Thursday, May 19, 2005

Moving (on)

Finished moving out of my old apartment today. I cleaned for like 5 hours this afternoon—the apartment was left so messy when we moved in, I was compelled to clean like a banshee for the next inhabitant. You know…improving my karma. [Squirt, Squirt. Wipe.] I thought all of the surfaces in my house were off-white. But no, they were just filthy.

Moving always makes me contemplative. Lately I have a renewed sense of professional ambition—which I totally lost track of this year. Grades, grades, grades. Shit. Alan and I talked about how college is basically seeing how much crap you can put up with for the man. And what is scary is that most people that realize that school is a huge joke this early usually don’t finish. (Keep hope alive.) But I had a very interesting conversation today with Dean, mostly about how I can look forward to grad school.

Bad news: Dean, “You basically only go home to sleep, fuck, and party.”
Good news: after I leave the ‘Zou, I will have had 4 ½ years of lab experience, including 2 of my own research projects. And because I am taking 5 years, I am going to try and get a pub my last year, and maybe an NSF grant so I can go wherever I want for grad school. (Inner monologue: "and you’re drunk.") Pipe dreams!

As I left my old house this evening, I gently set down my bottle of Fantastic on the worn coffee table, looked longingly off into the distance, and reminisced about what this past semester has entailed. A lot of shit. Was it all worth it? I don’t know, but I don’t feel regret any more.

Not gonna lie: I have definitely done some things I am not proud of, but I suppose that is part of growing? And, really; being naughty is much more fun.

4 comments:

Ms Bees Knees said...

A newfound focus... that's great. Those moments of clarity usually last a few hours with me and then I call myself a sell-out and reach for the bottle and everthing feels right with the world again...

Anonymous said...

My dearest chach,
I love you so much and I think you are such a wonderful person. Yay for not feeling regret any more. I see regret as a waste of time, since its not like it allows you to go back and change anything. I can't wait to see you! And why the hell did I have to share a comma and a slash with Rick? ;)

Ed Grow said...

Eryn (my dearest chach)-

You and Rick were grouped together for simplicity--as of yet, you are not the same entity. But give it time. Speaking of--We are going to Shattered this Saturday night and if you are in town I would absolutely die if you came! 80's night is fucking amazing! Everyone is invited.
-Ed

Anonymous said...

My dearest chach,
I was totally just teasing about the comma, as I am sure you are well aware, I am more than happy to be grouped with the fella, i guess (:: over exaggeratted sigh::) < - totally j/k again. Shattered on 80's night?! minus the fact that I have spent an ungodly amount of money this week due to ramapnt spending (5 pairs of shoes, 3 shirts, multiple starbucks runs, etc etc etc) I should be able to scrounge enough, and hell ya would I love to get my retro freak on! (you must excuse me, I have just awoken and am still groggy from sleepy pain relief meds, just thank god you are not a woman with real ovaries, is all I have to say about that!) see you soon my love!