Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Creature of the night

My nocturnal state has once again reared its ugly head. The relative absence of classwork commitments coupled with my flexible hours as a scientist extraordinaire has caused my whole-sale shift from the diurnal schedule on which the rest of the world operates.

This has been a longstanding struggle. Ever since I was a child I was always a night owl. Recent experiments show that ex-vivo cell lines of extreme larks or night owls maintain their altered circadian rhythm as assayed by florescent reporters. So I am biologically justified in bizarre habit.

I always used to dream of becoming an entomologist that studied moths so I would have an excuse to stay up late. Watching Dave Attell's Insomniac proves conclusively that the late night folk are way more interesting anyway.

Today we will see if I can get back on track. Not so much out of necessity, but just out of principle. Here goes cold turkey: twitching, sweating, the whole nine yards.

Update: By the way, epic fail.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

For God knows how long, I have been morbidly fascinated with LBJ and Lady Byrd.

Today as I picked out tomato, pepper, and tomatillo plants for my garden, I was reminded of Lady Byrd's fervent support of highway beautification saying, "And ahn evreh street coh-nuh, there woood be a shuh-rooob."

My grandpa lived through the Johnson administration, and always joked that highway beautification should be "riding with the top of the convertible up so no one would have to look at Lady Bird's ugly daughters".

The genteel Lady Bird was also a strong woman, one of the few who could reason with her heavy-handed husband. Against the wishes of LBJ, she used her inhertence to invest in radio and television stations in Texas, ammassing a $150 million dollar empire.

Playing second fiddle to Jackie Kennedy, devoted to her brutish and filandering husband, Lady Bird strikes a tragic yet stoic figure. Enduring the scorn of her contemporary liberals, Lady Bird--revisionist history notwithstanding--remains one of the most influential first ladies.

Despite their outdated gender construction, first ladies hold a special place in my heart. That's why Theresa Heinz Kerry would have never done: her eccentric accent and silk scarves were just too much for an America weaned on graciousness and accessibility.

Michelle Obama, seemingly overcoming her "strange mix of priviledge and victimology", has already won me over by planting a garden outside the Whitehouse. It's true, the path to my heart is through subsistence agriculture.

Friday, May 15, 2009

I used to think it was foolish to pander to Middle America: "We're just like anyone else, living in committed, monogamous relationships" or "We deserve the pursuit of happiness".

These arguments are intrinsically flawed because they seek the sanction of the heterosexual oppressors. I know I'm being dramatic, but did reasoning with the plantation owner emancipate the slaves? The "arc of justice"--it's now fashionable again to quote MLK--is usually steered by the courts not the electorate.

The more I think about it, I'm not sure if I like the direction of the contemporary LGBT movement.

Chasing after the double-strollered suburban dream somehow negates the long history of gay counter culture. I'm confused. Are we saying we want to be like everyone else, or we want everyone else to be like us?

When GLAAD protests the portrayals of lesbians in "Basic Instinct" or gay promiscuity in "Crusing" I want to stomp my feet and scream, "Who cares?!". When the day comes that dykes can't be sensual murderesses or fags can't be sweaty cock-fiends it's the day I get off this motherfucking train.

Supposedly, the movement dropped NAMBLA as a liability along the way. I guess distancing themselves from pedophiles served their purpose, but when will the assimilation stop?

The sad part? I would rather have gay marriage banned in all states immediately and see that mental midget with the plastic tits be the poster child of the intellectual meritocracy than have snivelling Perez Hilton be a flag bearer for the LGBT cause.

Opposite marriage indeed.