Tuesday, July 05, 2005

a single coherent argument in favor of mandatory euthanasia

Such negativity today.

I won’t go into details because it would be hella inappropriate to discuss my work situation; but today it was ri-goddamn-diculous. I mean seriously, WWJD?

And when I got home after said ri-godamn-diculous-ness, some fat old man-cripple accosted me for chaining my bike to the railing on the stairway next to the door of my apartment building. He was really confrontational. It was all I could do to help from laughing right in his fat face.

“If you don’t move your bike, I am going to fucking get a bolt-cutter and throw it into the street.”

He then proceed to tell me that he had 2 knee replacements, as if I was supposed to feel sorry for him or something.

If I had my wits about me I would have said something to the effect of: “Maybe if you weren’t such a fucking fat-ass, your knees would still be working.”

Or remind him that I am riding my bike to prevent pollution. But he was too busy hobbling to his SUV and driving off in a hissy. (I know what Ms. Bees would have done…and it would not have been pretty.)

It was just too goddamn funny.

Although I was surrounded by all this negativity today—I overcame. Basically the fact that I am not an crotchety-old-man-fat ass, my knees work fine, and I am dating the most gorgeous man in the world, was enough to propel me through said negativity into a land filled with sparkles and sequins. Rainbows and smiles. I love being a ‘mo.

4 comments:

Ms Bees Knees said...

I would have taken a lead pipe to that whore's knees. Fuck 'im.

robyn said...

oh eddy, you are wonderful.

Ed Grow said...

Ms-
Actually, my bitchiness got the best of me and today I stuck a bumper sticker on his tahoe that said, "a single coherent argument in favor of mandatory euthanasia". That fucker better blow out his knees again scraping the adhesive off of his car.

Robyn-
Yes. Yes! I like to think so too. You too are wonderful baby. Love!

Alan said...

There should be a law allowing a cyclist 1 free hit on a car driver when they meet. Then you should have the option to depants them. In stage 3, you can pull their beard, if they have a beard. Then they must fall to their knees, beardless and bruised, and beg humanity's forgiveness for existing.