Friday, April 14, 2006

Typical Friday thought:

Today marks the 4th time a total stranger has approached me and complemented me on my john deers.

Random woman: Excuse me, where did you get your shoes?
Me: Zappos
Random woman: That’s my favorite color.

A couple weeks ago a Salt-Lake City airport security officer literally followed me into the terminal asking questions about my shoes. She told me her bf is Irish, he loves green, blah, blah.

Some people use philanthropy to spread cheer or good-will among mankind. I rely on my beautiful footwear.


Ms Bees Knees said...

i use STDs and sawed-off shotguns to "spread my cheer" among mankind. muahahaha!!! and yes, those shoes are wicked tight.

i totally had to swallow 3 vicodin in order to come up with that, btw. love? love!

"the" Mrs. Astor said...

You didn't mention that you weren't wearing anything else at the time, Ed.

Ed Grow said...


Haha! I fell out of my chair when I read that. Of course I was very drunk, being 11AM on a saturday. Love.


Although I have a decent body--I have the unfortunate condition of being a pasty vampire-nerd. I think people would run screaming in the other direction if they saw my ass in the daylight. Its sooo white. Love!

alan said...

which brings us back to the moon. eerie.

"the" Mrs. Astor said...

The "pasty, vampire, nerd look" is all the rage in Milan this year. Soon everyone will want to be YOU.

Jeff said...

Hell yeah... Security officers at airports know what they're talking about. They look at shoes all day making sure they're not the type that conceal weapons or mice (what's the movie where the woman has ridiculous platforms releases mice into an airport? I'm thinking either MI2 or Home Alone 3) One time at an airport I had the following exchange with this young black security guard man at the metal detector:

Me: Do I need to take off my shoes like those other people are doing?
Him: Let me see what kind of shoes your wearing.
[I raise one of my legs to show him my Pump Speed Cats]
Him: Oh hell yeah. No. Go on through.

By the way Ed, do you remember at my Christmas party when you and I drank beer from bottles in Alan's chest (breast) pockets? That was hilarious. Didn't someone take a picture of that? Do you remember who?

Garet said...

In case you missed my response on my blog...

You’re a douchebag. If you insist on correcting my terminology–however loosely and figuratively connected to the narrative–then I will kill myself, and when my tainted soul has found its destination, I will topple the ruler of that dark place. From my black throne, I will lash together a machine of bone and blood, and fueled by my hatred for you, this fear engine will bore a hole between this world and that one. When it begins, you will hear the sound of children screaming–as if from a great distance. A smoking orb of nothing will grow above your bed, and from it will emerge a thousand starving crows. As I slip through the widening maw in my new form, you will catch only a glimpse of my radiance before you are incinerated. Then, as tears of bubbling pitch stream down my face, my dark work will begin. I will open one of my six mouths, and I will sing the song that ends the Earth.

craiger said...

Garet, the one time I met you, you seemed pretty cool, but to put it simply, that last comment is fucked up!

Garet said...

You caught me at a weak point. I should have cite my source:

Garet said...

Even worse than not citing sources is displaying a complete disregard for correct conjucation in the past tense.

craiger said...


I had already forgiven you for the former, but the latter is an injury I cannot bear! *wink*