Saturday, March 11, 2006

Several inconsequential observations made over the past week:

1)I saw a guy throwing away pill-boxes of soil samples into the dumpster outside the geology building. Ok, ok, I know they are “soil samples”, but the ridiculousness of throwing dirt in the trash can struck me as subtly metaphoric.

2) While going through the Hardee’s drive-thru I saw a man (dressed semi-nicely) open his door and bark into the speaker. When I write “bark”, I mean *bark*, he sounded like a smoker with an angry bull seal voice (later Manda and I referred to him as “seal man”). More remarkable was the 18-inch long string of drool hanging from his chin. He made no attempt to wipe it off, and as far as I know, he didn’t even know it was there. It wasn’t runny drool, it was really goopy, and eventually, when he stumbled back to his Kia, the drool strand got caught on his car door. He then drove off.

This left me wondering. What is the explanation for this seal barking/drool episode? Did other cars see this behind me? Was he drunk at 1:30 PM on a Sunday? Was he having a heart-attack? Why am I so fascinated by the grotesque, that I would replay this situation over and over in my head for the past week trying to discover what was going on?

PS-Don’t think I am an obese American who eats at Hardee’s all the goddamn time (I read Fast Food Nation, thank you very much)—but my skinny emo-hipster diet of canned fruit and ramen noodles causes me to have severe, but occasional fat cravings to prevent my brain from metabolizing my other weaker, more passive internal organs.

3)I saw two (presumably) city-girls transfixed by a possum in a tree on my way to class on Wednesday. They were standing in front of the tree, dressed in their Northface fleece, cuffed jeans and ugg-boot best, while holding up their camera phones and saying things like:

Girl 1: Is that a possum?
Girl 2: I think so. Is it sleeping?
Girl 1: Yeah. This is so crazy.

People from the city have such an over-reverence for nature. It’s really just funny. I suppose when you grow up in the middle of buttfuck-nowhere Missouri (which sounds like more fun than it is), and cows routinely get out of their fences and amble their clumsy bovine selves up your driveway…you just get used to being surrounded by dumb wildlife.

4)After the Eagles of Death Metal concert, Manda and I got back to Columbia after last call tonight, and witnessed what could only be described as a mass-migration of light jeans/striped oxford shirt-wearing, stumbling frat boys making their way back to wherever they came from.

We saw at least 15-20 in the span of a block. They looked exactly the same. It’s like a uniform. An army uniform for cookie-cutters.

2 comments:

Ms Bees Knees said...

oh baby... it sounds like you're STILL surrounded by dumb wildlife, i.e. seal man, girl 1, girl 2, and drunk frat boys. some things never change.

karokesuperstar said...

The Eagles of Death Metal have a video premiere on mtvu.com, here is the link http://www.mtvu.com/music/video_premiere/eagles_of_death_metal/