Friday, September 11, 2009

You Lie!

Doing my best to be blissfully ignorant of the sham-debate about health care reform.

Did you see Skeletor Nancy Pelosi's head just about snap off when Joe Wilson yelled "You Lie!" to Obama? Damn, gurl, time for a throw-down [Nancy taking off her hoop earrings and smearing vasoline on her mummy-neck].

Good for Obama for keeping his composure and taking the high road by adressing the issue. If he embodies one attribute, it's poise.

Which made me wonder, how would have previous presidents reacted?

GW: [ducks] "Oh goshdarn Dick Cheney, I thoughted that theys throwin shoes again."

Bill Clinton: "[Bites lower lip and squints into camera] It depends on what your definition of 'lie' is."

GHWB: "Read my lips: [vomits into lap of stenographer] no more lies."

Reagan: "Why you little punk. Mr Gorbachav, tear down that bastard!"

Carter: "All the major parties shall bring about the consummation of the [pulls out the tampon from between his legs which he sets on the podium] reformation."

Gerald Ford: "...I'm glad you raised that concern. In the case of Helsinki...aw, hell, this job sucks ass."

Nixon: "You goddamn cocksucker Jew-Bastard! I will prevail over all you mother-fuckers! Checkers, attack!"

LBJ: "You are letting our boys down. You are letting our boys in Vietnam down. [Unzips pants, removes penis] Look, you're not going to win this fight. Look what you're up against. [Addressing penis] Who is bigger, you or Joe Wilson? That's right."

7 comments:

craiger said...

Um... wow!

alan said...

I love this shit. You really need to get the Best of W.S. Burroughs 4 disc set from Giorno poetry systems and commune with it.

Ed Grow said...

Craig-

I think of all the former presidents, I feel a special connection to LBJ and Teddy Roosevelt. What can I say? I'm attracted to power. Love.

Alan-

I'm lazy. Maybe you can burn it and send it to me in CA? Burroughs simultaneous revulsion and eroticism of the gay sex act is forever burned into my little queer mind. And I have you to thank for that. Love.

Garet said...

Fantastic.

When Nancy Pelosi looks at you like that, you should start looking for the stab wound.

guest said...

She is one broad I would not piss off!

DJ said...

Haha, awesome Ed! :-)

Ed Grow said...

DJ-

Tell me about it, right? I used to be conceited but now I'm perfect. Love you Deejy-Weejy.